Wednesday, 22 July 2026

different

bismillah 

i feel something weird with my husband these days. till now im in iddah because talaq1.

idk what happened with him. even his family also feel same.

but i feel it's because his friends. i hate his friend since the beginning i know him. but he still didn't listen to me.

yaRabb, please protect him from any evil, from environment that makes him a bad person, from any harm.

Tuesday, 21 July 2026

Thursday, 16 July 2026

hi life

aku berpikir

dlu ketika aku jahil, aku byk cari perhatian dgn laki2 krn apa yg ga aku dpetin dr papa.l rahimahullāh.

gonta ganti pacar. temen lebih seneng dket dg laki2. tapi bodohny aku tetep masuk trap nya mereka. bahkan dihancurkan hidupku dg mereka.

hingga akhrny aku memohon2 utk segera nikah, krn ujian zina yg pernah aku rasakan. ntah dgn siapapun it yg Allah pilihkan.

ketika pernikahan pertama, kurasa dia bisa penuhi apa yg ga aku dapatkan dr papa rahimahullāh+ zina yg tidak kulakukan lg, krn sudah dptkan tempatnya.

tp apa yg kudapatkan, adalah rasa tidak aman, tekanan dr keluarganya & bahkan masa lalu dia.
kuputuskan utk disudahi 10 tahun perjalanan.

sekarang pernikahan kedua, adalah disconnection emotional bonding, support, false hope, lots.. bahkan seakan2 semua hal aku mesti berpikir & berhadapan dg logika, disaat dia ga sadar pentingny perasaan.

saat ini disaat aku udah ada sara, dan cuma sara yg bs jd salah satu alasan aku mau bertahan dlm kehidupan dunia ini setelah Allah.

gila ya laki2, apa hikmah semua ini yaRabb?
apa aku memang harus berjalan bersama sara aja, atau bertahan? alasan apa aku harus bertahan? omongan orang lain? atau karena Engkau? pikiranku masih ga sampai yaRabb..

dari sekian banyak hal yg aku sangat syukuri sampai detik ini adalah Engkau msh terus membimbing hamba, memberikan petunjuk, apa yg hrs hamba lakukan..

dan hamba sadar, apa yg hamba rasakan hari ini, adalah kesalahan pikiran bodoh hamba & keputusan yg tanpa hamba benar2 pertimbangankan. hamba hanya berdasarkan apa yg hamba lihat & rasakn..

allahul mustaan

Wednesday, 15 July 2026

hi LDM

bismillah 

are you wondering? why Allah give this long distance marriage to you?

He has a reason that you don't know yet the answer. you'll know later on. and do you know why you still didn't get any legal marriage yet? you'll know later on, not yet.

but I'm feeling something gonna happen, idk what's it.

even today i feel upset again and again.. always happen.
no place to just talk, fo just know each other, to just say, ahh it's not important though for him
 he doesn't like talking about feeling.

and it's really makes me feeling like, ohh okay, no respect, no respond, no feedback. disappear slowly can be a way..

because yoi know what, i feel like I'm not worth it.

i wanna cry, but for what? it's waste my time & my feelings.. I've Allah, that's more than enough, alhamdulilah.

bighugs yaRabb.. shukran for the strength, for the patient, for the guidance everyday, everytime.. hope in the end i can see ur face & meet you..

dunya always let me down, but not you..

Tuesday, 14 July 2026

im here

hey, I'm here again
i can't imagine that i can writing here again, telling you the stories that i had.
what i feel..
but i don't think i can tell everything.

but i just wanna say, alhamdulilah for everything that Allah gave to me today. alhamdulilah for everything that still with me, my soul, my deen, my baby, my husband, my family, a place to stay in, alhamdulilah for everything. hope Allah still give the best or even more biidhnillāh.

just lit but upset, as my husb didn't allow me to teach at mahad and i couldn't do revision and memorisation also there. idk what should i do after. how can i get started to teach sara & get new environment?

yaRabb, help me..

Sunday, 12 July 2026

Less Demand

Bismillah.

Learning to expect less from this world, asking for less from people, and becoming less attached to outcomes doesn't mean you've stopped dreaming. It simply means you've learnt where to place your heart.

Keep your dreams big, but place them in Allah's hands.

Every journey is different. Every test is different. Every soul has its own path.

Sometimes we stay. Sometimes we strive. Sometimes we do everything we can, yet the outcome is not what we hoped for.

Nothing meant for you will ever miss you, and nothing not written for you will ever become yours.

So leave every affair in Allah's hands.

Be patient. Be steadfast.

Whether what you long for never comes, or whether it takes far longer than you expected, know that Allah's timing is always wiser than your own.

There will be days when change feels impossible, and starting again feels too heavy. But never lose hope in Allah.

With His help, nothing is impossible.

acceptance

Bismillah.

Accepting something you never wanted is never easy. But when you begin to see it through trust in Allah's wisdom, you may come to realise that it is something you truly need.

Nothing truly belongs to us—not even our own lives. Everything is under Allah's decree. Yet Allah has given us the gift of du'a. Keep asking Him, for He is able to change what He wills. And if His decree remains, then ask Him to grant you contentment and His pleasure. You'll find your heart becoming lighter.

Every path carries its own wisdom. Every path carries its own blessings.

So place your trust in Allah, not in people.

People are just like us—limited, imperfect, and always in need of Allah.